TESTIMONY OF A FORMER
ATHEIST
TO GOD'S GRACE
BORN AGAIN
INTRODUCTION
This testimony is about a former atheist. I am a 54 year old
lawyer and have been a Christian for 16 years. Most of my life was spent under
the delusion that there is no God. Science was on the throne; the resurrection
seemed to be a myth.
HOW CAN I KNOW?
The questions regarding how we can know if something is true or even if we
can know the truth are in that part of philosophy called
epistemology.
I was taught by several atheists in my major,
philosophy. One professor in particular made a passing remark in an epistemology
class, [epistemology is the study of how we know things] "Christians
believe truth is received from what they call God as a revelation. But, of
course, they are wrong."
The comment was significant because it illustrated the most fundamental
question which is "how do I know if something is true?" For me the
fundamental questions were not, "What does science say or what does the
Bible say?" The question is: "how can I know if something
is true?"
My professor's comment stuck in my mind for years, because the professor
stated some people claimed there was another epistemological method, but it was
one never taught in a public university.
WHAT THE BIBLE SAYS
What the Bible says is a much easier question than knowing if it is
true. What the Bible says is easy to know:
1) There is a purposeful God who created the world;
2) People are sinful;
3) Jesus is God;
4) Jesus died to take the penalty for our sins;
5) Everyone who trusts their lives to Jesus' free gift and His resurrection
will become children of God, born from above, born into eternal life; and
6) God brings judgment on all the rest.
Until I was 38 years old, I understood the first four and the last claimed
points. Even though I thought it was foolishness, I knew the Bible made those
assertions. But number 5) was something I did not grasp.
I had not read the
Bible much, it all seemed like nonsense, and I did not understand salvation as a
free gift from God. Perhaps I had ears, but could not hear and eyes, but could
not see. I, like most people, knew what the Bible said, I just rejected it
as having any basis in fact.
A DIM LIGHT
While as an atheist I believed truth was absolute, there was no
point in either criticizing Christians or trying to disabuse them of their
superstitions. But as a wannabe-philosopher, something kept me reading and
studying off and on after college. I took courses on the history of ideas. I
subscribed to popular science magazines, and when I had time, I would spend it
in either telling or hearing some new thing.
TWO WRONGS DON'T MAKE A TRUTH.
I knew of the debate between nonbelievers and
Christians. Much of the debate was the same thing I had heard before in college.
However, three interesting characteristics of that debate continued to catch my
interest:
First, many Bible attackers tried to discredit the Bible, but they never used
honest reasoning or facts. I thought it was odd that people apparently felt they
could not attack it head on.
For example, the most common slam is that the Bible was written because
people couldn't explain how the world operated. Leaders invented god to answer
questions from uneducated sheep herders living in the desert. In contrast, we
now have science to answer those questions, and we no longer need the myth of
god. Therefore we no longer need the Bible. The logic seems impeccable. Science
and evolution are the grease for these ideas in an industrial society.
The second attack is a favorite of many liberals, although not exclusively.
In this view, god was invented by nasty leaders to control the masses of sheep
herders living in the desert.
What bothered me about both of these attacks was that there is a difference
between the questions: "What does the Bible say?" and "Is it
true?" As I stated above, what the Bible claims is obvious to an unbiased
mind. For example, I did not read about sheep herders puzzling over why things
happened in the world or that Bible made the Jews or Christians especially
manageable people! Jesus was put to death by the Romans in a way used for
criminals. The Jews stoned Stephen to death. Peter was imprisoned and Paul
caused riots. James and John were called the sons of thunder. Those aren't the
first role models that would spring to mind for mass hypnosis to promote civil
tranquility.
Despite the common attacks on the Bible, its ideas are the ones most often
counterfeited. Why didn't people use the rules for baseball instead? Every
"new truth" has to have a line or two from the Bible. The use of
Biblical allusions is epidemic among nonbelievers. If those sheep herders were
so backward, why do their writings constitute the largest selling book of all
time and why is the Bible rather than the humanist manifestos used by everyone
in support of their own "modern," or "enlightened" view of
truth? Every goofy religion seems to be the new, secret, previously unknown, or
real meaning of what those superstitious desert wanderers thought about.
Third, Christians would try to convince me to believe the Bible by asking a
question and then giving the answer from the Bible. They never grasped the point
that if I did not accept the Bible as a source of truth, saying, "The Bible
says...." has no persuasive effect on the mind.
These were three interesting approaches to the Bible, one from atheists who
built straw men interpretations, one from inventors of religion who always
infringed on the Bible's patent, and one from Christians who never dealt with
the, OK-I-see-what-it-says-now-prove-it-is-true question. But these were
secondary issues in my life because I was convinced that there was no God in the
first place. I didn't stay awake at night pondering these matters. At least not
until I was 35 years old.
A SEARCH
After having a full season of life's experiences, I felt something
was missing. I realized the pursuit of learning new things was actually a search
to fill something that was empty. [How many times have you heard that before!]
For three years I reread portions of the books I had from college and bought
more philosophy books. I even dusted off my copy of the I Ching and all the
Eastern religion books I had. Hum, they still missed the target.
I zeroed in on the Western philosophers, but they lacked common sense,
something I never noticed when I was 20 years old in college. For example,
Descartes said "Cogito, ergo sum"; "I think; therefore, I
am." I thought to myself, "Wow, I even paid good money to learn this
stuff." Maybe the transition from being a long-haired college student to a
slightly balding father explains the wider vision. A more applicable paraphrase
of truth would be, "I think, therefore I am not sure."
Anyway, in 1987 at the age of 38 after satisfying myself that I hadn't missed
some secret truth along the way, I also concluded that the epistemology of
science also came up short. I felt there had to be more truth and more
certainty. But I couldn't find either. I gradually formed the thought that the
answers were elusive because of where I had been searching, not how deeply.
IS THERE A GOD?
The only reasonable course of action was to explore what I
had not studied before, the possibility of the existence of God just like the
Bible says. [And how many times have you heard that before too!]
Ironically, the analysis of the theory of evolution proved to be my first
step to the knowledge of God, here's how it happened: I had accepted the theory
of evolution as it was taught: There are gradual changes in animals over
millions of years. The accumulated changes make some animals able to eat, defend
against predators, and reproduce better in the same environment than animals who
lack these changes.
However, after study with an open mind, I concluded that evolutionary theory
is incorrect, it does not explain what we see. The facts are that 1) there is no
evidence of such changes in animals, and 2) the universe is not old enough to
produce the life or its complexity by chance in such a short time.
I became convinced that the king of modern thought, evolution, was dead.
Because evolutionary theory is the principal weapon against the Bible, I thought
maybe the creator God of the Bible might be real. After I examined this for
months, I was convinced that God was the only reasonable explanation of the
universe and life.
GOD HAS SIGNS TO MARK THE WAY
I knew no Christians, but began to listen to
Christian radio at night.
During this time, I traveled about every month on I-4. In a rural area in
front of a white home was a large 6' x 6' white sign with large black letters:
"God's Free Gift Eternal Life." I read it every time I passed by. God
placed the one point of the plan of salvation I did not know on a big sign for
me to read frequently, it was even lettered appropriately for my simple black
and white mind.
GOD IS
One day God burst onto my consciousness, a certainty authored by God
that He is real. This was not existential mumbo jumbo, "if you think God is
real then he is real for you," but a knowledge that God is real outside my
heart and mind because His existence is a fact. It is fact number one in the
universe. It was quite an enlightenment, just like my atheist professor had said
many years ago. "Christians believe truth is received from what they call
God as a revelation." Now I knew they were right!
Because there is a purposeful God who created the universe, it was reasonable
to conclude that as a free gift, God could send His son into the world, that
Jesus' coming was because God loved me even though I was a sinner, and that if I
had total absolute faith that Jesus' death and resurrection was for me, He would
save me from my sin. The sign along the road might be true too!
BORN AGAIN
I completely emptied myself, repented of my sin, and placed my
faith [total trust] in God's free gift. I had faith that Jesus died and was
resurrected from the grave. A huge weight lifted away, there was light, peace,
and warmth. A big bang of the Holy Spirit engulfed me.
I bought an NIV Bible and remembered from the radio that the Gospel of John
is a good place to start. I began to read and I knew it was true. This was a
certainty that comes from the Holy Spirit. Then when I got to John chapter 3, I
remember I slapped the page and thought, "That's what happened to me, born
again!
That is my testimony.
FINAL OBSERVATIONS
Do I think my testimony will affect atheists? I sure hope
so! But if you understood my testimony, my experience is that it is only God
opens the closed heart.
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